My Young Man

My son turns 12 today.

At a mere age of 18 I was pregnant with my first son. I had mixed emotions on being a mother not knowing what to expect and how this was going to change my life. I don't think it really hit me until I felt him move. As I progressed in my pregnacy I would sit there with my shirt up and just watch my stomach move all over the place. I wish I had recorded it, my sister would just laugh and laugh with what looked like an alien coming out of my stomach.

I never knew how much of an instant bond there was when you look at your child for the first time  and feel that love. I could just stare at Ashton all day long. He was perfect in ever way. For quite sometime he was my sidekick. Watching him grow has truly been a blessing. I haven't been a perfect mother, I've made mistakes and still learn everyday. These are mistakes and lessons I'm loving to learn. I love this boy with all my heart. 

For my Son,

Words can't express how loved you are. Your are turning 12 and yes almost a teenager. You are one of the most important people in my life, you helped steer my life in a direction on where it should be. I know you get mad and say I'm not fair, just remember that every action, every punishment, and every nag is for a purpose. I want so much more for you and will push you harder than anyone else to make sure you succeed farther than I did.

I love your smile, and hearing your laugh. I can't seem to grasp some of your wardrobe choices, and we may not alway agree on that but I will compromise with you, most of the time. Watching you play baseball is one of my favorite things to do......Ever. I get so into it that I can barely sit down. Simply unbelievable the talent you have.
Life isn't always going to be a walk in the park. Stay true to yourself, be the Ashton that everyone loves.
So after all of that is said and done I want to wish you the most Amazing Birthday Ever. I love you Ashton with everything I have to give.


 

Well here it goes!

Have you ever had something happen to you that is just burned in your mind and you can't get it out for what ever reason? I don't know if it's just because it's been brought up here lately, so it triggers me to think about it. The things that I endured when I was a kid, was something I would never like anyone to experience. Ever.

WARNING!!!!!!

What you are about to read may make you sick but this is what I feel the need to say and I'm going to say it rather than keep it in.

I've been called every name in the book, from a liar, to I'm play the victim. Let me guide you through what I endured as a child so then.......maybe then people will learn to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business.

The man pictured above, is my step-dad! From the mere early age of 5 is when he started. First it was just simple touching me. Things progressed and progressed, from not being able to sit on one end of the couch that could see all the way down the hallway where if you were sitting in that spot only you could see down the hallway. He would stand there and just play with himself. He only did that when I was sitting there. Try not being able to sleep because he would come in my room and masturbate right over my bed and try and touch me as I was sleeping, or rubbing his penis on my arm. I would tell him "Leave" "Please Leave" he would say "I'm not hurting you." I would say leave before I scream he would then say go ahead I will kill you. So I would repeat my self over and over till he would just leave. The only days something would not happen is if I coaxed my little brother into sleeping in my bed where I would just hold him tight, and sleep the whole night. Such an amazing feeling to not worry if he was going to come in my room those nights. Literally sleeping with one eye open on most nights. Trying to stay up so late until your exhausted and you eyes can't stay open anymore. I have carried this sleeping pattern as an adult. Laying there just thinking about it getting scared and having to have one hand braced on my husband knowing that he's here next to me and I'm ok!

This is the stuff I dealt with since the age of 5! The one incident that bothers me the most and gets me  teary eyed was when I was 12 years old. I think it's because my oldest son is about to turn 12 and he is a child, I just sit here and think how my innocence was ripped right from me! My mom had just left and one of my brothers just left with his friend. I was sitting in mine and my little brothers room playing the video game. I heard the door handle turn and there he was. I knew just by the look on his face something was about to happen, I glanced back to the tv screen and that when he tackled me from the my little brothers chair I was sitting on. The controller flew and hit the wall and I landed smack on the ground hard with this man on top of me. He had my arms above my head so hard I couldn't move them so I kicked, screamed "STOP, STOP, PLEASE GOD STOP....MOM, SOMEONE HELP ME." Nobody could here me. As he had my hands above my head he took my shorts and underwear off and had his penis out as soon as he touched me, I became violent, fighting with everything I had. I managed to get my arms free, knocked his glasses off, ripped his watch clean off his wrist. Then he stopped! He got up picked up his watch, glasses, pulled his pants up, looked at me and said your not hurt get up. I had wore myself out beyond belief. I remember breathing so hard, I thought my chest was caving in. I got up as he left and shut the door, put my clothes back on and cried. That's the day I wanted to die! I couldn't take it anymore. This went on for 3 more years until I was removed my from my home and put in protective custody. I lived in a group home for some time until I was eventually put in foster care. He remained in the home with my younger siblings. He was also never charged with any crimes. I was not his first case and we all know they don't stop. I'm always asked why did I come back to my moms when I turned 18. Simple, I always felt the need to protect my sister, and since he was never charged I look like the dumb ass. This continued until my mom finally divorced him when I was 22! He would still grab my butt and do this thing where he would walk by and make this noise. Even on one incident where a friend of mine was at my moms house and it was just us and him. He ordered some pizza and as we were eating the pizza he walked by and said you know what you have to do for that pizza right? My friend just grabbed what was left of the pizza in her hand looked at me and said "fuck this shit, we're out." It's not funny but how she said it and how she through the pizza in the box made us both laugh and sure enough we got the hell out. He still did sick stuff that would make you vomit, I would get sick to my stomach but what was I to do. Call the cops, we all know how that turned out last time. I figured it was ok and in a since that I deserved it.

I have really bad days now as an adult when I wake up crying and my husband just grabs ahold of me and tells me it's ok. He backs me up 100% and and helps guide me through this rough patch. So grateful that he's in my life. I know it's a long road and I will get there eventually. One day at a time.



New York.........New York!

I must say I have the a pretty creative imagination, makes people laugh and some people wonder what the hell I'm on. So with that said this is what I imagined of New York City, people being robbed in alleys, my purse being jacked right off my shoulder from some random yahoo. That's what I had in a way imagined.

So upon our journey to New York, first lets start with the flight over a body of water as we entered New York area. Adam said "I think this is the Hudson...ya know where the plane landed in the water." well thats a wonderful thing to say Adam. So until we landed I white knuckled my hand rails until we landed.

We actually landed in Newark NJ, and had to take a cab over to our hotel, they dropped us off at the wrong hotel. Which was fine never the less. What an amazing time. I never walked so much in my life. We walked through China Town and they must have zoned in on me, every singly person stopped me and of course I was acting intriqued by all of it, knock off purses, watches everything. So every 5 feet I stopped, so Adam just grabbed me by my hand and drug me through the whole the thing. He said "Erin, quit stopping at every booth, they know you won't say no that's why they are stopping you." So I just did window shopping the whole rest of the way saing no thank-you, oh that's pretty, wow! He just looked at me in pure amazement that I was in awe.

We headed of course to the fire museum and 9/11 memoral first. We got lost on the way and headed toward a building and a guy came out of a guard shack and said, ummm it looks to me as if your lost. We told him where we were going and he laughed and said well if you keep going straight your headed right into the jail. Adam looked at me and I said well "He beats me, smacked me around and is making me go with him." The guard looked at us and laughed and said Well we got an open cell just for you. HAHA So we went on our way to the memorial. The 9/11 museum was amazing, very touching. Amazing to see the things recovered from the towers. Tickets to enter the actual memorial we sold out it just so happened that Adam had a fire rescue hoodie on and an officer said "Hey bro, are you a firefighter?" So with that said we got straight into the memorial. Heavy security to get in but let me just say what a sight to see. It was very moving and emotional. The roses placed on names was beautiful. Mere silence was all around, nobody was talking. The amount of respect that was there was over whelming.

After leaving the memorial we walked straight by 10 House. I could tell by the look in Adams eye he wanted to go in, he would never say it but I knew he did. So busted a quick uie and rang the doorbell, he hid of course outside. They welcomed me with open arms and let me in. I said well my husband is  outside he's to scared to ask to come in. So the guy went out the door and said hey man, you want to come in or what. The gave us a tour and let me take pics. Amazing! He was a kid in a candy store, loved every minute of it.

We walked around NYC for 3 days and had a blast. We jam packed so many things in those 3 days we were both exhausted. This being our first trip together made it even more special. Our plan is to go back some day soon and show the boys all the amazing things we seen. It truly is a sight to see.

Oh.....Boy......Scouts!

BOYSCOUTS!

Earlier this year I had joked about Landon joining BOYSCOUTS, considering Ashton never would, and always thought they were just too cute. (and not going to lie, kinda though it would be cool to be like troop Beverly hills).

I asked Landon " wouldn't it be cool to join BOYSCOUTS, and I could be like a den mom." Adam looked at me with a That Look, you know the look where he wants to just hit his head against a wall and wonder if I'm serious. So I said " Haha.....Got Ya, I was soooooooooo kidding." BAM instantly had to get out of my head that I was not going to be wearing yellow scarf and brown socks with hiking boots. Maybe I watch too many movies.

So Landon was invited to join a friend at BOYSCOUTS to try it out, and upon his arrival, I just knew it, HE LOVED IT! He was talking all about it saying "Mom, ok mom we did this peace thing to god, said the pledge, and it was a help yourself veggie and fruit thing, can you friggin, believe it mom!" 

So......I think he may join! Woot woot! Mom-1 Dad-0

Sometimes my husband worries about me.......

Sometimes he has to wonder.......

I like to be silly and fun and enjoy life, very rarely am I so serious!

Even without thinking I say the most off the wall things like I just made a monumental discovery and Adam will just sit there and look at me in pure amazement.

Exhibit A

Raisinets

 One fine day I was eating some raisinets and watching a movie with Adam and just happen to look at the box, I seen grapes on the package. Struck me as odd so I did some further investigation, and read that raisins are grapes. I took a big gasp and sat up rather quickly to show Adam what I had discovered.

"Adam your not going to believe this.......did you know that raisins are grapes, grapes are freaking raisins?"

I received a blank stare and he just walked to the wall and started hitting his head against it. I thought he was to astonished by this discovery, he then just looked at me and said
"babe you can't be serious"

"SERIOUS........am I serious check the box for your self if you don't believe me!"

Knowing at this point I was serious he sat me down and said yes Erin grapes are raisins and cucumbers are pickles!

"excuse me......pickles are what?"

I had to google that fact right away.

Turns out my discovery was not that great, although for the time being I thought I was the smartest chick ever!


Exhibit B

Paranormal Activity

"The Movie"

Adam watched this movies while at was at work one evening, so the next day he said I had to watch it. I watched it thinking the while dam thing was real and legit. I nearly broke Adams hand while watching the movie and he pretty much knew his night was doomed considering I like scary movies, but not right before bed. (Don't Judge)

Needless to say it scared the shit out of me. It was pretty late and he said alright babe you coming to bed.

"what? Right now.....in the dark.....can I at least watch a happy show first, like 5 mins of golden girls, or maybe even an infomercial....anything"

No he wasn't having it because he was tired and no way was I going to stay up by myself and have to y'all ass down the stairs after turning off all the lights"

I raced down the stairs to get in bed before him so he would have to shut the lights off. 
I had probably been asleep for maybe 10 mins when I feel the bed moving at the foot of the bed.....I grabbed my cell phone clicked a button so it would act as a flash light and there he was acting like the girl from the movie head cocked to one side eyes rolled back in his head, I am pretty sure that was one of the closest times I almost peed my self as an adult.
As for him....he nearly peed himself for laughing so hard.
He ended up screwing himself on that one, we are both pretty independent sleepers and like to have our own space.....not that night we have a king size bed and that night was if we were sleeping on a twin, right up and close with him.
<3

Now for Exhibit C
The Jackie Chan

Me and my husband like to horse around all the time, wrestle, joke, just plain have fun.
I don't even know how we got started this one day but in the midst of horsing around in the kitchen somehow he ended up with my foot at his waist list line, he just help on to it and wouldn't let it go. So I will admit sometimes I have ideas that play out way better in my head then what really happens. I envisioned this super sweet round house kick that would cause him to release my foot and I would end in some pretty amazing pose. Ive seen it done in the movies at least a dozen times.This is definitely not what happened I just had my hand braced upon the sink and started with my move. I literally went straight up to about waist level both feet in the air and came crashing down flat on the floor. I mean I hit hard.
There was some pause there for quite some time Adam just sat there trying to figure out what in the world I was trying to do. Then there I was still face down on the kitchen floor. I hit the floor so hard I thought for sure something was broken, hip, leg, something. I had no air to breathe just barly saying "Adam check me, Adam check me, I'm pretty sure I broke my hip!" he just started to laugh and then he assessed me to make sure indeed my hip was not broken in multiple places!

I do have to say, we keep it very entertaining!

Pillow Talk........oooooolala!

It's been one crazy few weeks and I cherish all the alone time I get with my husband to catch up, see how each others day has gone, talk about anything and everything!

We just had a long day, we both worked, Ashton had football practice, we had errands to run and before long it was 10:30pm. I had just gotten out of out the shower and put some pjs on, and had just layed next to him in bed before I dried my hair.

I was talking about a garage sale I had went to where they had a lot of old stuff, which I love!

I wanted a lot of it not gonna lie but ended up just getting one thing. The lady asked was that it for me and I told her ya, I said my husband says I remind him of his mother when I bring home all this antique shit, the lady then said you know what they always say.......a man will marry a girl that is just like his mother.

So while I was having a conversation with Adam, I was telling him this lovely story, he didn't find it as humorous as I did! He actually looked at me in disgust.......why? Well actually I was trying to seduce him while telling this story, and as soon as I said that, well that shot any chance I had. I basically just kept making it worse with out trying, he had his hand in my hair And I said is that why you like my hair short, (just recently cut my hair), he quit doing that right away!

I guess moral of the story is to not bring up his mother while in our bed!

It was rather funny, but dually noted that one in the things of not how to light his fire!

Welp....it's been awhile!

Lots to write about since the last time I posted and.......here goes with what's been going on!

SCHOOOOOOOL TIME!

Yes sir, the kids have started back at school. Bitter sweet I guess! They are growing so fast! Ashton started 6th and Landon started 2nd! For the most part they are loving it. I mean really where does the time go. Ashton will be 12 this winter.......12!! Can you freaking believe it! Landon is vastly approaching 8!

 As with any school year I love to take pictures and usually go to the school with at least one of them to be their very own paparazzi for the morning. Well I blew that one out of the water when Landon started 1st grade, and honestly I don't even know where it came from, I just started bawling like a babbling brook, tears, & mascara running down the face. Landon looked at me and was like "mom really" Ashton had walked down there with me to drop Landon off first so after I had a near melt down do you think Ashton was going to let me walk him down to his classroom......that would be a no. He started walking briskly to his class I said Ash, can I get a picture, he ever so cool, through up a piece sign and headed to class!

So alas this year for school, they only allowed me to take pictures outside while we were waiting for the bus!

Even if I'm crazy, having a meltdown, sad about them going to school, we still need each other and <3 each other!

Could you only imagine when they start college.....just wait boys!

Oh how the weekend goes so fast!

Had such a good weekend.

Trying to help my brother change his life around, he moved in and hopefully with a little encouragement he will change his life for the better, I know he has it in him we will see what happens.

Helped the neighbors move to a bigger place across the street. Neighbors that you are just like you and you get along with really well are hard to come by! They are almost like part of the family! So lovin it right now!

Was a little sickish this weekend but I hate being sick and pull through, I figure if you don't act sick you will be fine.

Lastly house hunting! It's fun and a tiring process! We will find one eventually!

OCD

OCD!

Now where do I begin with this little fiasco! The first time I remember doing something that was OCD, was when I was going through everything with my step-dad! I felt like I had to have control somewhere in my life. So I started to become very ocd and it never has left.

Everyone with OCD has their own little quirks. Mine have quite a variety from only wearing red when I have to, having things end on an even number and yes the picture above may be odd numbers but when you ad 15 and 5 it makes 20 and there you have it an even number. This ranges from radio station, how many times I touch something etc.

I check the locks on the house multiple times before I go to bed, making sure everything is locked and secure.

Make sure both of my kids are breathing and nothing is by their face.

Making sure unnecessary things are unplugged especially since our house fire.

Having to arrange things a certain way so they are spaced our evenly.

Not having my food touch.

There are a few others as well but that was just an example of the things I do.

People from family to friends notice it and it's kind of like a running joke. They will stop me in the midst of putting something in order or by going over and messing it completely up so there is not a chance I would take the time to fix it.

Yes it's very time consuming, but I believe in a way we are very OCD about something, maybe not to the extent of me, but somehow!

July 30, 2004

8 years today!

Today marks my 8th anniversary being married to my best friend. It has been quite a ride with alot of trial and error, ups and downs. I think any successful marriage has to have all those things to make it great.

We definitely have our critics who didn't think we would last this long, but everyone knows I love to prove people wrong. My husband has changed me for the better and has been patient with me. (as I have been with him)

We have a bond with each other that is stronger than people think. After so many years we have learned to not care what others think. I have not met one person whos relationship I envy or look at and say wow they have the perfect marriage.

I love this man, he's my best friend, husband, and father to my kids.

This girl right here.....is truly blessed with an amazing man.

<3

Something New......

So here I am starting this new thing. When I hear the word blog it reminds me of "Maid Of Honor" the movie when that girl had an obsession with Patrick Dempsey. Makes me laugh to think I am doing one, but after starting it's fun. Sharing my life with others who want to read about it. Documenting the things my kids do because sometimes it's entirely to long to put on facebook. I may not go with all current things but some of my memories are far more hilarious for others to read as well! 

Welcome to my world!